You don’t really make much of play dates before you become a mother, you’d see kids together and think “oh how cute” or perhaps say to yourself “there’s no way I’m gonna be that type of mom”. I hate to break it to you, we all eventually become that mom, and no it’s not always as cute as it seems. The reason I say this is because from my (horrible) experience, some unspoken rules are better once spoken, and I bring to you play date etiquette.
Etiquette 1:
Don’t. Ever. Call. There’s a new thing called texting where you can give the chance for the mother on the receiving end to think if she wants/can go to a play date. Please don’t put said mother on the spot, you wouldn’t like it if it were done to you, right?
Etiquette 2:
Don’t force yourself on the mother, if she says no it means no. She doesn’t need to have a clear reason, nor does she have to explain herself, maybe she’s had a long day or maybe she simply doesn’t feel like socializing.
Etiquette 3:
Control your child, some kids are bullies and some are victims, before approaching a mother for a second or third play date, make sure her kid isn’t getting constantly hit or pushed by yours. It might be tough for her to bring the subject up for fear of an adult fall-out so it’s best to keep your eyes open.
Etiquette 4:
Take a hint. Consecutive no’s signify a deeper issue. You know the saying that goes if you care about someone you’ll make time for them? Well same applies here; if the mother is constantly coming up with excuses then it’s her way of letting you down easy. Perhaps the chemistry isn’t there and it’s easier for her to be gentle than to confront you with the issue.
Etiquette 5:
Decide on a time frame for the play date together, and stick to it. Is it 11 AM to 1 PM or 4 PM to 6 PM? Great, but don’t overstay your welcome or force a mother to stay put when she has other commitments such as work, a life, home, and bedtime routine.
Maybe this is a bitter view of play dates, but when kids are friends and mothers try to make it work for their sake, the least each party can do is provide an easy going environment and some space. After all, society has its rules and each person has boundaries, and it’s always better to take things easy than to suffocate.
Maria Najem
Photo: friendshipcircle.org
