I’m sure most mothers can relate when I say that sibling rivalry is overwhelming. Some days they get along fine while some they can’t seem to communicate, and even within the same day they change their moods and behaviors.
But is there a guide book on how to deal and solve their conflicts?
I believe there isn’t and that each family dynamic is different. But we still need them to calm down (and maintain our sanity) so let me share with you techniques on how to keep the peace, a skill set I’m learning as I grow with my children.
Whatever I buy, I buy in double. Be it a chocolate bar, a bag of crackers, crayons or a coloring book, I always get two. Even if at the moment one kid seems uninterested, as soon as the other touches his/her new item, the former will throw a fit and starts snatching the object.
When there is conflict surrounding a toy and who claims it for the moment, I try to talk to my eldest and stress on the fact that since she understands and is a big girl, that she can hand it over to her younger brother to play with. And because I’m sure that he will get bored almost instantaneously, she can play with it once he places it aside and we would have avoided a fight.
Sometimes distraction does wonders, my son would be in full tantrum mode trying to reach for his sister’s toys and she won’t budge or share, I pick him up, caress him and tell him that we will play together. Within seconds he would have forgotten all about what he wanted.
Things don’t always get resolved with calm talking or strategies, in that case I take away the object of conflict and put it away. This will definitely cause anger and more tears, but it does teach them a more valuable lesson, and I care a lot about having kids who share with each other. Next time they would think things through (to the best of their capability) and opt to play together as opposed to having the toy taken away.
While I have tried these techniques, I am always learning new ones based on impromptu thinking and problem solving. The main issue here is to guide siblings to act civil to each other, share their toys, play together, let go of something if the other wants it (but that goes both ways) and please and thank you are required.
Fellow parents, how are you dealing with your children’s sibling rivalry?
Maria Najem
photo: alysonschafer.com
