Today’s topic is about being a united front as parents when facing children, tantrums and dilemmas. It’s no mystery that each generation is brighter than the previous and with this wonderful advantage comes many lesser things we can get away with, situations that our parents and grandparents could have gone a lifetime without facing.
Right now, children are quick to understand the divide and conquer strategy.
You think playing good cop bad cop is an ok idea? You might want to rethink, because the bad cop’s word will be broken and taken for granted and the good cop will be stepped on. Kids can pick up on tones and eye contact between parents and they can detect when an imbalance is taking place so the only way to avoid it is to be a team.
Unity doesn’t begin when the issue is placed at hand, it is rooted within the couple, and it is worked on thoroughly behind the scenes until a consensus is reached. Let’s say for example that your 7 year old wants a cell phone because all his friends have one, or that your 3 year old insists on eating several chocolate bars a day. One of you might feel that a cell phone is logical for his age, and that a little indulgence in sweets never did any harm, while the other parent feels the exact opposite. A child will pick up on this hesitation and it will be made worse when you begin to bicker in front of him/her and will ultimately find the gap and gear his/her energies towards the more lenient parent.
You might think this incident (or any incident) is a minor one and can pass very lightly but the core issue here is the “disrespect” (a harsh word I know) from one parent to the other. As parents we should place our utmost effort to create a front that is unbreakable even if we disagree. So you want to cave and buy that cell phone but your husband doesn’t? Have this discussion in private, come up with the iron clad decision and share it with your child. The same applies for other issues no matter how seemingly insignificant or major they are, for when your children view you as one person, chances are they will have no other choice but to live with the decision that has been made, or try to make a better argument on why they need what they requested.
Maria Najem
photo: dreamstime.com
